Devour
by Anidori-Kiladra
Summary: All Tyler wants to do is get drunk, get drunk and forget, but he can't do that with Jeremy Gilbert standing at the end of the couch and complicating everything. A series of alternate scenes running parallel to the events of Season 2. Tyler/Jeremy
1. Chapter 1

Devour

All Tyler wants to do is get drunk, get drunk and stop thinking, but it's hard with people just past the door, talking about what a great guy his father was, the best mayor Mystic Falls has ever seen, and it's even harder when Jeremy Gilbert walks in.

Tyler keeps drinking because he definitely doesn't want to talk and it's a better alternative than sitting here not knowing what to say. And maybe he's had more than he thinks, because he doesn't know why else he would be honest with Jeremy of all people.

But he feels a savage pleasure in the words. "My dad was a dick," he says, and he's glad he says it. He's hardly even angry when Jeremy agrees. He feels more tired than anything, and he wishes he could sleep, but he can't because of the coiled energy in his chest.

He expects Jeremy to take a swig and then turn away, go back to the rest of the party and the rest of the lies, but Jeremy hesitates, hovers there by the couch.

"You can punch me for that, if you want," Jeremy says. "For what I said about your dad. That was," he pauses, hand moving up the back of his head and ruffling his hair, "a pretty dick move on my part." He grins self-consciously.

"Don't be stupid," Tyler says.

But Jeremy's lips are set and his mouth is hard. There is a tilt to his chin that tells Tyler that, for whatever reason, Jeremy wants to be hurt, and suddenly Tyler really does want to hurt him. Not for telling the truth about his dad, but for offering to help, for intruding just far enough.

He takes a step toward Jeremy, who looks a little surprised but not very, and only plants his feet more firmly on the rug Tyler's mother insisted they buy once, even though his father said they didn't need it and held her wrist too tightly as she signed a check with a flourish, the one Tyler has never really liked.

He can feel his fist balling almost of its own volition and he doesn't look at where he's punching, but instead looks at Jeremy's eyes, which are dark and clouded and full of something too complex to be just pain as Tyler's fist collides with his stomach, sinking solidly into a soft, flat stomach not ridged with muscles.

But it is the rush of air from Jeremy's mouth that makes Tyler want to do it again and so he does, bringing his fist back again and Jeremy crumples slightly against him. Tyler wraps an arm around his back and draws back his arm again, bending his head into the crook between Jeremy's shoulder and his neck to keep him upright.

And that's what makes him stop. Because when he breathes harshly in, he can smell cheap detergent and something musky mixed with a faint herbal scent and that's when it hits: He wants to devour this boy.

He can't control his fingers anymore and his eyes have gone blurry, like they do when he gets really mad, but he's not mad now though the same hunger is tugging at his insides. He doesn't know where his last thought came from, but he doesn't exactly have time to analyze it because the smell is still there and so is the desire, so he moves his face six inches to the right and clamps his lips down on Jeremy's.

It's like something explodes inside his head. He's never felt so much so fast, and it's all he can do to catalogue the details: the weight of Jeremy leaning on his body, the heat of his mouth, and that smell, that smell everywhere. Then Jeremy jerks upright, his hands finding a grip in Tyler's shirt and pushing away, but still holding on.

Jeremy takes a ragged breath. "What the hell, man?" he says, but though his words are angry, his mouth just looks confused and god, Tyler can't stop looking at his mouth.

Then he takes stock of himself and moves to pull away. He looks up, nervous somehow to meet Jeremy's eyes, even though this was obviously a freak accident and will never, ever happen again. But even as he thinks this, Tyler feels the tremor still in his fingertips and has a feeling he might not have control over that. Nevertheless, he forces his eyes up to meet Jeremy's.

"Your eyes," Jeremy says, practically a gasp.

"What?" Tyler asks."What about my eyes?"

But Jeremy doesn't have time to answer, because there are footsteps outside and a voice says, "Hey, what's going on in here, Tyler?"

Mason scans the scene before him, eyes locking on Jeremy's hands still fisted in Tyler's shirt, the flask now on the floor, dripping onto the rug Tyler hates. He jerks his head at Jeremy. "You got somewhere to be?" And Jeremy mumbles something indistinctly and fades away.

Tyler crosses his arms across his chest and bites his lip. He refuses to be sorry. He refuses to explain his actions to the prodigal uncle.

But he doesn't have to, because all Mason does is bend to pick up the now empty flask. He takes a drink, nods once at Tyler and says, "Just be careful, okay." It is not a question.

Mason walks back the way he came. Tyler looks down and contemplates his hands. He flexes them, and sees tendons pop into life. Something is going on, and he's going to find out what it is. His mind flashes back to the shape Jeremy's mouth made, the ragged inhalation of air in the moment right after, and feels something twist, hot and delicious just below his stomach. Oh yes, he's going to find out what's going on.


	2. Chapter 2

Devour

A/N: This chapter runs parallel to the events of Season 2, Episode 5.

Chapter Two

"Hey, man, how've you been?" Jeremy is trying to be casual. He's been glancing over at Tyler all afternoon, and subtlety has never been his strong suit. He just can't get it out of his mind. That kiss, Tyler's teeth on his lower lip, all that rawness and the taste of whiskey.

Jeremy never thought about it before. He's thought about boys, sure. I mean, everyone thinks lots of different sort of thoughts, right? And if it gets you off, it gets you off. But never Tyler, with his clenched jaw and sneering mouth. Until that day in Tyler's living room, the hurt in his eyes and god, back to his mouth on Jeremy's.

Jeremy slides into a seat awkwardly. He's not quite sure what to say, not sure what the rules are. Do they mention it? Do they never mention it again? Tyler hasn't run out of the grill screaming yet, but maybe it's only a matter of time. He stupidly blurts out, "I haven't seen you since your father's funeral," and knows that it's a mistake by the way Tyler snaps.

He doesn't like to dwell on the way his heart thuds heavier when Tyler says, "Wait, hold up." He shouldn't care about the way his voice goes gravelly or the light on his cheekbones, but he finds he can't stop looking.

Tyler says, "You were cool that day, so thanks for that." Jeremy sees the relief in his eyes and imagines it's more about the fact that Jeremy hasn't been telling everyone that Tyler Lockwood likes to kiss boys—or about the way his eyes changed color—than it is about how "cool" he may have been but probably wasn't that day.

His heavy-thudding heart almost stops cold when the Aimee and Sarah show up, but Jeremy tries to smile, though he knows it probably looks forced. And god damnit, it starts right up again when Tyler turns to look at him. "You in?" His eyes are slightly clouded, and Jeremy can't tell whether the look in them is apologetic or challenging or both. Either way, he knows there can only be one answer. He's in.

xXx

Who are these girls who dance around alone in someone's house in the middle of the afternoon? And why has Tyler never hung out with them before? Aimee and Sarah are just what Tyler needs to help him forget. Forget about Mason and the story he told, forget about the moonstone in his pocket that he's sure means something, if only he could figure out what, and forget about Jeremy, who stands slightly awkwardly against the piano, holding a drink and laughing. He has a nice smile, Tyler notices, and then wonders why the hell he even invited Jeremy over.

Ever since the day of his father's wake, when those feeling of who-knows-what rose up in him and all he wanted to do was grab onto Jeremy and sink his teeth into him, Tyler's been trying harder than ever to forget. When he found out about Mason, about being a werewolf, a tiny part of him was relieved.

Because if that's all that was, the desire to eat Jeremy, if it's hardwired into his stupid supernatural skull, then Tyler doesn't have to think about what else it might mean. But it doesn't quite add up. He didn't get angry, not exactly. The blood pulsing in his temples and fingertips was different than that. And it definitely wasn't the full moon, so what is this?

What is this twinge of panic that rises up in his throat when Aimee says, "Yeah, I think Sarah's got a thing for Jeremy"? Tyler doesn't know what the hell it is, but it makes him want to down his whole drink in one go.

When Tyler flips through Jeremy's notebook, his pulse quickens and he can feel it in his throat when he swallows. He keeps flipping, turning the book away from the girls, who are looking more than a little weirded out—and, Tyler thinks with savage pleasure, Sarah's definitely not looking at Jeremy like _she _wants to eat him anymore—right to the back of the sketchbook.

On the last page, small, in the corner, is a sketch of Tyler at the Mystic Grill, face bent over his phone, sunlight hitting his left cheekbone, his hair so dark it seems to absorb the rest of the light in the picture. Tyler's mouth opens slightly and he licks his suddenly dry lips. Jeremy has captured something here, the darkness that Tyler's been grasping at. He slams the book shut.

"You still sketch, Tyler?" Jeremy asks. His tone is a challenge but his eyes are nervous, skirting away up the wall, and Tyler shoots him what he hopes is a cocky grin.

"Come on," he says. "I'll show you." _I'll show you mine if you show me yours_ pops into his mind, and he is very aware of how his hands shake as he closes the door to the study and then shoves Jeremy up against the wall hard.

He watches Jeremy's face turn red and feels the same savage pleasure he felt before filling him, overflowing. "I know," Jeremy chokes out, and suddenly Tyler can't control his hands anymore. He shoves away from Jeremy. It's one thing for him to suspect, but for him to _know_.

Tyler wants his old life back, when all Jeremy Gilbert was was an immature freak who tried to steal Vicky from him, who got high in the woods and who Tyler could laugh at. Not this boy who stands before him now, eyes impossibly dark and chin set, knowing all the things that Tyler wants to keep hidden.

He gives in. There is nothing else to do, but Tyler is surprised at how his shoulders relax when he tells Jeremy everything. Jeremy pushes off the wall and comes to sit beside him on the couch, gripping his shoulder in a way that makes Tyler lean into the touch.

Then he leans in too far and overbalances, going down on one elbow so his eyes are level with Jeremy's collarbone, and something takes hold inside of Tyler. Maybe it's the alcohol, maybe it's this strange closeness he feels, maybe it's the same thing that reared up in him before. He can certainly feel heat licking at his insides, burning and growing, and he reaches out and nips at the collarbone through Jeremy's shirt.

Jeremy stiffens instantly, his hand going tighter on Tyler's shoulder, nails digging in. But he doesn't let go. He doesn't let go, and as Tyler draws in a ragged breath and pushes himself closer, he smells the mix he smelled before. A whiff of cologne, or maybe it's just deodorant, salty sweat on Jeremy's neck when he pushes his nose up under the tendrils of hair that linger there, that same funky herbal smell.

And as the smell hits his lungs or his bloodstream or whatever it hits, Tyler can't control the heat in his stomach anymore. He rolls over until he's straddling Jeremy there on the couch, one knee shoved up between Jeremy's thighs, and Jeremy's eyes are closed but his mouth is open and he's breathing slow, still clutching onto Tyler's shoulder like he'll fall if he doesn't hold on.

God, he looks beautiful and perfect and horribly ragged all at once, hair mussed and shirt collar stretched down over one shoulder. But Tyler doesn't have time to contemplate his appearance much before he dives in, lips leading the way from Jeremy's exposed shoulder up his neck to his mouth, breath warm and tongue fluid.

There's a shriek rising in him, a giddy exhalation of air that Tyler knows could turn crazy if he lets it out of his mouth. So he just clamps his mouth down harder on Jeremy's, sucking his bottom lip into his mouth, hands pressing at Jeremy's chest. Jeremy gasps and Tyler knows he's being too rough but right now he doesn't care.

He is lost in the feel of Jeremy under him, all solidness and hard planes and soft skin. He doesn't want to come to the surface, so he goes deeper, hands riding up inside Jeremy's shirt, brushing ribs and a puckered nipple and Jeremy gasps a different sort of gasp this time.

Then there's a distant click and Jeremy sits up straight, nearly toppling Tyler off the couch. He rolls away, tugging on his shirt as the girls trip into the room, their giggling too loud after the muffled silence.

"Were you two having a moment?" Sarah leans over the couch, her boobs practically bursting from her shirt, and Tyler wants to punch her even though he knows it's wrong to punch a girl.

"No," he says, trying to control his breathing, wiping his bottom lip. "We're good." And the moment is lost. Jeremy stands up, wobbling a little, and Tyler wants to put out a hand to steady him, but he doesn't.

After Sarah's pulled her terrifying prank on the stairs, they go back into the other room. Aimee's hand slinks around Tyler's back, and Tyler forces himself not to push her off him.

Everything will be fine. He'll figure out what the damn moonstone is for, and he won't be inviting Jeremy over again. The confused, knotted feeling in his chest will go away, and he'll want Aimee to tug on the bottom of his shirt, a coy smile on her face and one eyebrow raised.

Then he glances up and sees Jeremy looking at him over the edge of his glass and electric pain shoots through his stomach, tingling more than actually hurting. Jeremy's eyes are steady and he bites his lip. Tyler sighs. He knows he's only fooling himself. Things probably won't be fine for a while, if they're ever fine again.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

*set during Season 2, Episode 6*

* * *

Jeremy tries to pretend he's not scared when he shows up at Damon's house, especially when Damon starts asking questions about why he's there and what's in it for him.

"Do I need a reason?" he says, and thinks of Tyler, a rush of fierce protectiveness moving through him at the thought of Tyler not worrying about Mason, not tortured, that hungry look in his eyes gone. Of course, as soon as Jeremy remembers that look, a rush of something completely different moves in to take its place.

They talk about the moonstone, and Jeremy rolls his eyes and wonders what exactly he has to do to get everybody to stop treating him like a kid around here

"Can you get it?" Damon asks.

"Yeah," Jeremy says distractedly, hardly listening to Damon's jibes about his life having purpose, his mind already jumping to a scene of Tyler tied to his bedposts, Jeremy running the moonstone down his naked chest. Damn, he has got to stop watching so much porn.

Since that day at Tyler's house, Tyler's knee between his thighs, hand under his shirt, he's been playing out scenarios like that a lot. Too much. Enough so that he knows he'll be disappointed if something like it doesn't happen next time he sees Tyler. And how could it? Especially now that Jeremy's doing _this_.

* * *

"You've got to take the good with the bad sometimes," Tyler tells Matt, and can't help but think about himself. With Jeremy, there is a lot of bad. He's young, and he's always had his own shit to deal with, shit which obviously messed him up if he wants anything to do with Tyler.

Which Tyler doesn't even know if he does. The way he breathed on the couch the other day seems to be some indication, but if he's honest, Tyler's never been able to read girls all that well, been able to work out all that_ emotional_ stuff they seem to get so worked up about, so why should boys be any different. And if there's any boy with _emotions_, it's Jeremy.

And then he sees him. Jeremy looks slightly predatory, which isn't like him, circling around Tyler with his eyes trained downward not like he's nervous but like he's got a plan.

As they talk, Tyler starts to think that maybe all Jeremy is interested in that idiotic moonstone. So he says, "I don't want anything to do with it, okay?" giving every word extra emphasis. Jeremy's eyebrows jerk up and he takes half a step back.

As soon as Jeremy walks away, though, Tyler wants to run after him, apologize and say he didn't mean it, that they can talk about the moonstone all Jeremy wants just as long as they talk. But Tyler Lockwood doesn't apologize to anyone, he can't, not if he wants to feel like he is anything more than completely powerless. Watching Jeremy lope up the lawn, Tyler's chest aches and he suddenly feels tired, so tired. It's all too much, worrying about Mason and the moonstone and the fact that he himself might snap at any moment, and on top of it all, Jeremy.

He's never felt that before, the rush and the yearning, the feeling like his feet might start moving all on their own with no word from him. With everyone else, with Vicky and Aimee, it was always just a swell of confidence, a triumph. This is different. Tyler doesn't know what this thing with Jeremy means, but knows it means something.

* * *

When Jeremy walks in to Stefan and Damon's living room, the last thing he expects to see is Mason all chained up and Damon talking to him like they're just having a nice chat over a cup of tea. I mean, whiskey with a splash of tea, probably, in Damon's case, but still.

He tries not to think too much about it as he tells Damon everything he's learned about wolfsbane, but something in him keeps telling him to stop talking, louder and louder, and between that and Mason's moans of pain, it's getting harder to ignore.

There's nothing Jeremy wants more than to stop feeling anything, to just live and exist and not have this constant dread, this weight on him that makes it hard to breathe and laugh and pretend like everything's going to be okay when he knows it's not.

He looks away, down at the table, but he can still hear, Mason's gritted-teeth wails and the horrible crinkling sound of burning flesh, and he thinks he might start to get sick soon. He tries to step in, but he can't even hear the conviction in his own voice; it all sounds hollow and false, everything hollow and false.

"Just help Tyler," Mason says, and "Kill or be killed," hisses Damon and it all starts to swirl in Jeremy's head and he isn't sure just what he's trying to prove anymore.

"I don't want anything to do with it, okay?" Tyler had said earlier, at his house, standing with his arms crossed and looking like the last thing he'd want was for Jeremy to come any closer. But Jeremy's chest feels like it's being torn apart, bits hung on his ribcage, and he can't go to anyone else. Damon will laugh at him, Stefan will frown and then tell Elena, and Elena will hug him and stroke his back and then refuse to let him leave the house ever again, especially after the awful thing with Katherine and Jenna.

"It's gonna be okay," he tells Elena, but he knows, he _knows_, it's a total lie.

* * *

Jeremy comes to him crying, sliding in his bedroom doorway past midnight with his sleeves over his hands and Tyler knows he's snuck in but he doesn't have an idea in hell why. Tyler has been brought up to believe that boys don't cry, of if they do they do it in the privacy of their own bedrooms with the blanket stuffed in their mouths to muffle the noise. He is fascinated by the way tears fall down Jeremy's cheeks, his mouth trembling and moist.

"I thought I could handle it but I can't," Jeremy whispers. "I can't do this, I can't be this. I know you won't want anything do to with me anymore after this, but I don't know who else to tell."

And so Jeremy tells him, shaking hand held up over his mouth so all Tyler can see is the ragged ends of his sweatshirt fluttering. "And then I left. I…I couldn't stop Damon. He's already killed me once and I…I didn't know what to do, Tyler. I thought I was _helping_. I thought I could help _you_. But I left. I don't know what Damon did," he takes a breath through the fabric of the sweatshirt, the noise like a very tiny airplane taking off, "but I know it wasn't good."

Tyler can feel the fury build in him. Fury at Damon who shouldn't be allowed to live, at Mason for getting himself and Tyler into this mess, at his mother for being so stupidly clueless. And at Jeremy for being here, mouth so pink and eyes so goddamn vulnerable, continuing to bear witness to horrible news and ruin Tyler's life.

He can feel his fists clenching, his bones throbbing with that need, the hunger he feels more and more now, at night twisted in his damp sheets and whenever his eyes lock onto Jeremy's. Before he quite knows what's happening, Tyler is moving across the room and shoving Tyler back onto his rumpled, never-made covers, one fist connecting solidly with Jeremy's chest and the other glancing off his cheek.

Jeremy starts to protest, but then he closes his mouth and his eyes. As though he deserves this. As though it's penance or something. Tyler can't stop, just keeps pounding his fists into Jeremy's stomach and arms and chest until he realizes that he's crying too, gasping for air. He bends over, leans his head down until he can lay it on Jeremy's chest, curl on top of him like some pathetic kid in need of comfort.

Then Tyler feels a light hand on the top of his head, pushing his hair back gently over and over. He lifts his head up and meets Jeremy's lips with his own, kisses as soft as his punches were hard, light sucking kisses that zing straight through his stomach to bury themselves at its base.

Soon he has to wipe his nose, though, and they sit up, and Tyler finds that he wants to laugh a little bit, and so he does. "I'm sorry," he says to Jeremy. "I know it's not your fault."

"It's okay, Jeremy says, hand sliding down his head to stroke the tiny triangle of hair at the nape of his neck. "It kind of is," and Tyler arches and kisses him again.

"You have to stay safe," Jeremy tells him, clutching the back of his neck and driving their foreheads together. "Okay? I can't watch anybody else die, I can't." He drops his hand and stands up, then leans back down and crushes his mouth against Tyler's one more time. "This, all this, it has to stop."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

(Season 2, Episode 7)

"Where are you going?" Elena asks him the next day, after they bring Jenna home from the hospital. She looks worried, and Jeremy doesn't blame her, but he's tired of lying low and being scared.

"Out," he says. "I'll be back."

If they kill Katherine, everything will be fine. All the killing will stop, his sister will stop worrying, and he can focus on trying to figure out what the fuck is going on with him and Tyler. Because there's no denying it now. It's not just hormones and it's not just an experiment. What happened last night was real, and that is maybe the scariest thing of all.

At Damon and Stefan's, Bonnie looks at him sharply when he says Tyler's name, and he wonders if he's being that obvious, if people can tell, just by the way his mouth shapes the word. Although, now that he thinks about it, Bonnie has been looking at him a lot lately. Maybe she did her witch voodoo on him and she knows. But surely she'd have said something to him, or to Elena, wouldn't she?

But Jeremy doesn't have time to think about it too long. They've got a ball to attend and a vampire to kill, after all.

* * *

Tyler can't concentrate on getting ready for the party, on making amends with his mother or trying to give her some sort of hint about where Mason's _really_ gone to, on anything but two things: Mason and Jeremy.

Somehow, this whole werewolf thing has become mixed up with this whole Jeremy thing in his mind, and Tyler can't even tell which one is upsetting him, what's throwing him off balance. Maybe it's because it all comes from the same place, that spot inside him that hungers for something more.

Too soon, he finds himself back in the study, letting his eyes unfocus in Sarah and Aimee's direction and wondering how Matt talked him into this.

"We're really not supposed to be in here," Tyler says, his eyes glancing around, fixing on the stretch of wall he pushed Jeremy up against, the couch where he sat astride him and ripped two buttons off his shirt.

"We need to turn this party up," Matt says, and Tyler can't help wishing he were someone else. It seems wrong that Matt is here, wrong to be in this room and this space that has become his and Jeremy's. Still, if a couple of shots is what it takes to get Matt to stop moping over Caroline (and what does he see in her, anyway? She's got nothing, just a head full of designer clothes and a walk modeled on Elena's), then that's a price he's willing to pay.

Even as he strides up the stairs with Bonnie on his heels, Jeremy can't help looking around for Tyler, eyes peering through masks for a glimpse of those dark scathing eyes. He tries looking into Bonnie's eyes, in the room where she'll cast the spell, but somehow it's just not the same.

Outside, he jokes with her about sex spells, and when she giggles and hunches her shoulders like that, Jeremy sighs and thinks it's typical that girls start showing an interest in him _now_, just when he's decided that maybe he likes dick.

As soon as Matt starts spilling vodka all over that rug his mother has never liked, Tyler knows something is wrong. It's definitely gone too far, and he doesn't quite know why he let it. Matt doesn't get drunk, not drunk like this, anyway, and Tyler is beginning to suspect that there's something more behind it than him just being bummed about Caroline.

But Tyler doesn't get mad until Matt jerks his father's picture away from him, splashing more vodka. He breathes in deep through his nose. He's got to control himself; he knows he can't let the anger out if he wants to stay human. And honestly, even with the sadness still thick in the back of his throat for his father and for Mason, and all the uncertainty he still won't let himself put a name to with Jeremy, there has never been a time when Tyler wanted to be human more.

"I'm not gonna fight you," he tells Matt, biting down the anger and hearing his voice wobble. Somewhere in his periphery, Sarah stands up, and he hopes she leaves, doesn't need any more distractions or irritations or things to make him snap.

But when Matt jumps on him and begins to pummel him, something wakes in Tyler. Somewhere off in the back of his brain, he thinks detachedly that punches must be some sort of key to waking the beast or whatever. How totally unoriginal and definitely unfortunate for Tyler at the moment.

At least when Caroline comes in, holding Matt off with far too much ease, Tyler thinks, his brain is able to snap back into place and he breathes in deep again. Safe for now.

While he's still sighing in relief and turning to Caroline in confusion over the way she just pushed Matt like that, Sarah mumbles something about failing and then she's stabbing him and it's just a reflex, really, that's all, just the even-deeper-than-instinctual reflex to push and push hard.

As soon as it happens, as soon as he sees her lying there, still, head bent at a weird angle, Tyler feels the panic build inside him, choking him, filling his lungs, soaking them just as his blood soaks his suit jacket. This can't be happening. This _cannot_ be happening. It was way too easy. It didn't take any effort at all. And then the pain starts.

* * *

After Caroline leaves, Tyler stays, like his mother told him to, sinks down on the couch and rests elbows on knees and head in hands. He pulls on his hair and tries to breathe some more, but breathing isn't going to help anything anymore. It's done.

When he hears a knock on the door, he thinks it's his mother and looks up, pasting a wan smile on, which falters when he sees that it's Jeremy. Jeremy walks in and shuts the door, then leans against it and crosses his arms.

"Hi," Tyler says, and finds all words to be inadequate.

"Hey," Jeremy says, scuffing his feet along the floor. "I saw Caroline outside. She-she told me what happened." Tyler desperately tries to read Jeremy's feelings in his voice and his face, but he can't find anything. There's not anything there.

And that's when Tyler puts his head back down in his hands, and his breaths start to hitch. He wants, more than anything he wants Jeremy to come sit next to him, rub his back, something. Even if it wouldn't make anything better, it sort of would.

But Jeremy stays where he is, face stony—though Tyler thinks he sees a tiny trembling in Jeremy's bottom lip that he clamps his jaw hard to hide—and Tyler walks to him.

"I don't," he says. "I don't know what to do next."

At that, Jeremy lets out a long, heaving breath. "I don't know either, Tyler," he says. He brings one hand up, as though he's going to run his knuckles down Tyler's cheek, but then he lets it drop before it touches Tyler. "But I know I can't be around this. I can't deal with any more dead people."

Tyler jerks back. Somehow, even with Jeremy's silence, he never expected this. "What?" he says. "What does that mean?"

"It means," Jeremy says, pushing off the wall, "that we can't be…friends anymore." His mouth turns up in a self-deprecating half smile on the word _friends_, then down again quickly, leaving Jeremy looking tired and drawn. "I'm sorry."

Jeremy leaves, closing the door behind him and carefully not meeting Tyler's eyes again, and Tyler is left staring through the glass at the party stragglers on the other side, wondering at the way everything always seems to fall down all at once.

* * *

As Jeremy walks out, he tries to look confident and assured, like he's sure of exactly who he is and his place in the world. He has to stay strong to keep his shape, because he's breaking inside.

Remembering the way she looked at him earlier and frantic for something, anything, to take his mind off of what's just happened, he flirts with Bonnie, asks if he can take her home. "I'm not a kid anymore," he says. And he thinks that it's the truest thing he's said all evening.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

(Season 2, Episode 8)

Tyler walks the halls of school the next morning, shoulders hunched, sure that something is going to jump out from behind that row of lockers, or else that someone is about to turn the corner and declare him the murderer he is.

His eyes scan the walls and catch on the pictures of Aimee. Missing. And for a second he wonders, _did I kill her too?_ and his heart starts racing because for a minute he believes it, he really does, and is this his life now? Fuck.

Then the lock pops off his locker door and he knows: it's going to be one of those days when absolutely everything goes wrong.

xXx

Elena's gone again, and Jeremy thinks again to miss a time when everything wasn't so fucking convoluted, wish for just one day when five horrible things didn't happen at once.

xXx

Tyler's shaking by the time he spots Caroline in the hall and practically runs to her.

"Don't blame yourself," Caroline says, and Tyler knows that she knows, she has to. But damn it if everybody in this town hasn't got secrets, and nobody's sharing them with Tyler.

Least of all Jeremy.

Something's going on, Tyler can tell when he glimpses Jeremy in the halls at school, looking distracted and drawn and with what looks like a rag from the science lab wrapped around his hand.

And more than anything, Tyler wants to just walk up to him, put his hand on Jeremy's back and ask what's up, and then try to articulate all the tangled confused feelings in his chest because if anyone will understand, Tyler's sure it would be Jeremy.

But he can't, because of how he's so afraid Jeremy will turn away without even looking at him, so he goes outside to shoot some hoops instead. And that, surprisingly, does make him feel a little better. Running, jumping, landing, everything is easier, and there is a sort of thrill that Tyler almost immediately feels guilty for.

Then he sees Caroline and makes a beeline for her.

"I know you're lying," he says, before she flips him practically upside down, which only strengthens his conviction that there's something (everything) that she's not telling him, and it makes him want to strangle her.

xXx

Waiting is the worst, because waiting allows time for thinking, and Jeremy cannot allow himself to think.

If he starts to think, he'll start to make a list of everything that's going wrong. Everything he's done wrong. He's let Elena be in danger again, maybe let her get hurt again, after she hasn't even healed from the last one of his stupid ideas. Jenna has to be protected and Jeremy can't even do that, Alaric has to.

And Tyler. Oh god, Tyler. Jeremy especially can't think about that, can't think about the wrenching below his ribs every time he thinks Tyler's name, can't think about how scared or, more probably, knowing Tyler, angry he is right now. And he probably never wants to see Jeremy again.

Jeremy knows he was right, to step back, to step away. There's just too much going on, he can't have a crisis of sexuality right now, he just can't. And now Tyler's so mixed up in all the death that's happening, all the hurt being spread all around. Jeremy just can't. He knows it was the right choice. He thinks it was.

So when Bonnie puts a hand on his back and rubs slow circles, and then there is that moment of quiet that usually precedes _something_, Jeremy is almost glad. Here is someone he can lose himself in and not worry about actually becoming lost.

But then Bonnie's nose starts bleeding and she falls backward and that is a distraction of a different kind, so chalk up something else on the list of everything horrible.

xXx

Crawling backward on his hands out of Caroline's house, shattered glass scraping his palms, Tyler can't believe what he's just seen, and yet it is all too easy to believe. And as he scrabbles for the doorknob, it all comes crashing down, because it's true then: he is so fucking alone. Lone fucking wolf and Tyler hates everyone.

Caroline brings him rum and talks so calmly, and Tyler tries to breathe normally and think that everything is going to be okay.

"I need to know that this stays between us," Caroline says, adding another to the teetering pile of secrets.

Tyler says, "I have no one else to tell," and, trying hard not to let his mind flash to an image of Jeremy, mouth set and eyes tired, is extremely aware that this, at least, is true.

xXx

Jeremy promises to keep Bonnie's secret, listens to her talk about her family, and feels some sort of warmth he hasn't felt in a while. It's not the fierce rush of heat he feels whenever he's within twenty feet of Tyler, but more like how he felt when he finally kissed Vicky for the first time. A comfort in knowing that he's not the only one who feels alone.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

(Season 2, Episodes 9 and 10)

Jeremy runs into Bonnie before school, and thinks that he's never going to get a better chance than this. He tries to keep it light though, asks if she wants to shoot some pool later and is more embarrassed than he thought he would be when she says, "Why?"

He thought he'd read her right, those looks she's been giving him, her hand on his back, but maybe not, and he tries to stop himself from feeling relieved at her half-rejection. More than anything, Jeremy wants to want Bonnie, wants to want anything as much as he wanted Tyler to punch him and sink his teeth into him that day in his father's study. That night in Tyler's room.

But, "Hey, sure," Bonnie says, and there's her hand on his arm again, and Jeremy ducks his head and tries to feel as pleased as he should be.

And so later, when he sees Bonnie talking to the new guy, Jeremy has to bite back a smile as he picks up his bag. This is better, he thinks. He likes Bonnie, really he does. She's a good person, and she deserves better than him, better than being a replacement while tries so hard to want anything but Tyler.

xXx

Matt looks bad. Worse than Tyler feels, which is saying something. Especially since he can't seem to manage the magically quick jump shot today, and if being a werewolf can't make him good at basketball, then it's officially good for nothing.

"I'm _really _sorry," Matt says, and for a second Tyler wants to hug him, then thinks to himself, _don't be gay, man_, then smiles ruefully because it's a little late for that, isn't it. He sees Tyler tagging along at Bonnie's heels like some stupid puppy and wonders if he's moved on already, if Tyler is really that easy to move on from.

Probably he is. Tyler doesn't even know if Jeremy ever liked him, really, or if he just needed something more that he wasn't getting from anybody else.

His reverie is broken by Caroline, chirpy and blonde and swearing up and down that she can take care of his problems better than he can. But at least if she's on werewolf duty that's one less thing to think about approximately twelve times per second.

He tries to give her some advice about Matt, because_ someone_ should be happy and together even if he can't be, you know? Tyler thinks he's being very unselfish, noble even, but then he remembers that he's about the last person qualified to be giving romantic advice. His only real girlfriend got stolen by another guy and then got undead and then dead. And now Tyler can't stop thinking about the guy who stole her, top button unbuttoned and hair all in his eyes, and there's probably some good irony in there somewhere if Tyler had the energy to look for it.

"It's not fair to be with someone and not let them know who you really are," he tells Caroline, "I get it." And he does get that. What he doesn't get is how someone can turn away from you even after you've been completely honest. But when you show someone the worst parts of you, Tyler guesses that there's a good chance they're not going to want to stick around to deal with them.

Still, it's hard not to blame Jeremy: for not sticking around, for not being stronger, for choosing to deal with his own mess and his sister's mess but not Tyler's. You can't pick and choose what horror you accept and what you shut out, Tyler thinks. Or at least you shouldn't.

Because as Tyler knows—and learns once again when he finds Mason's journal and the chip—there are always more horrors waiting.

xXx

It is supremely weird—probably the weirdest thing Jeremy's ever done—searching Katherine's body, knowing that it's identical to Elena's in probably every way. They've even got that same vein that stands out on their foreheads when they're upset.

But at the same time, Jeremy is euphoric, there in the tomb. Everything is going according to plan and he's actually useful for once, helping the team out instead of getting in the way, and everything seems just a little bit more possible than it did before.

Until Katherine bites him, that is.

xXx

"Why are you helping me?" Tyler asks Caroline, and she tells him about how no one should be alone.

And it turns out that Caroline is great, a thousand times less annoying than Tyler ever realized, but still, she's not the one he wants with him for this. She's not the one at all.

When Caroline doesn't return from the door after a minute, Tyler gets up to see who it is, suddenly sure that there is some danger there, out in the dark, stalking them all. But when he gets to the door, it is only Matt, and Tyler has clearly interrupted something.

No wonder Jeremy doesn't want to be around him. Tyler is always ruining things for the people who try to get close.

xXx

"Why did you have to get involved?" Bonnie asks.

"Because I didn't want you to get hurt," Jeremy replies. He is so, so tired of people getting hurt, getting stuck, dying. So tired of not being able to help.

Tyler asked for your help, he reminds himself, and you just walked away. But he pushes that out of his head. Maybe it was a mistake. But it was too much. Even this, Bonnie walking toward him, is almost too much.

"Don't act like this is one-sided," he tells her, and is promptly disgusted with himself. Why is he doing this, trying to seduce his sister's best friend? Is it just because he wants a distraction? But no. Sometimes, there are moments when Jeremy thinks he could be happy just like this, a hand on Bonnie's face, her arm around his back.

But, "I can't," she says, and those words are all too familiar. Jeremy's heard them before, coming out of his own mouth, and he realizes that nothing like this—no distraction—is going to make him feel better.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: So you guys, I think that writing this fic is messing with my mind, because I was watching _Vampire Diaries_ last night and there was a point where I legitimately believed that Tyler/Jeremy was canon. And by "a point," I mean, "the whole episode." Anyway, let me know what you think of this chapter, and let it be noted that the rating has gone up due to Tyler's penchant for expressing his anger through certain curse words and also scenes to come in the next few chapters.

Chapter Seven

(Season 2, Episode 11)

It's the full moon and so Tyler can't escape it, makes himself watch Mason in agony over and over as he packs chains into an old gym bag because maybe he can desensitize himself to it somehow, make it less awful.

Unlikely, he thinks as the sound of Mason choking fills the room. So he calls Mason like he can forget Mason's never going to answer a phone again, then hangs up and presses the phone to his chest, fingers itching to dial another number.

But he knows that won't help. Jeremy's made it perfectly clear where he stands on this whole werewolf-with-instincts-to-kill-and-devour thing. Perfectly clear.

xXx

Eye contact with Bonnie is awkward now, and more than anything Jeremy wishes he hadn't said anything at all about them being anything. He's always pushing things, pushing them too hard until they break.

Like Tyler. Tonight is the full moon, and for a minute Jeremy thinks maybe he should call him, see if he needs anything, but then he reminds himself that if Tyler needs anything, he probably doesn't want it from Jeremy.

And besides, Jeremy himself will probably break if what Tyler needs if for Jeremy to hang around and watch him accidentally kill someone. No, it's just better not to think about it, not to be involved at all.

He can't help but feel a little bit smug when Elena tries to leave the house. At least she—at least someone in this godforsaken town—will be safe now.

Damon is sitting way too close to Elena on that couch, Jeremy thinks, but he doesn't concentrate on it long, because his mind is, as always, elsewhere.

"Who's on Tyler Lockwood and the full moon?" Jeremy asks, and rolls his eyes and grits his teeth firmly at himself when he thinks that _he'd_ very much like to be on Tyler Lockwood.

But Caroline is, apparently, and Jeremy can stop the sick swoop of jealousy through his stomach. Why is Caroline getting herself involved? She probably has a crush on Tyler and is hoping that if she holds his paw through the pain he'll leap into her arms afterwards, all things forgiven. Not that Jeremy was ever hoping for something similar, or anything.

There is a tight knot of miserableness in his chest that won't go away. Still, Jeremy can't help laughing when Elena starts throwing pillows. Sometimes, Damon is way funnier than he has any right to be.

xXx

Tyler's heart starts pounding and he has to look down and away when that chick shows up from Florida and starts spouting off about Mason not being there. His mother can't know Mason is dead, because that will lead to questions which will lead to answers which will inevitably end with her never speaking to Tyler again.

When the reach the old Lockwood property, Caroline is trying to make him feel better about it, Tyler can tell, but it doesn't matter. The only way he's ever going to see his uncle again is screaming in pain on Tyler's laptop.

Pain that Tyler is very soon about to experience himself. And it makes him feel weak, but the thought of it still scares the shit out of him. The fucking wolfsbane is bad enough. Tyler can't even imagine the rest of it.

But he tries to keep it light, make Hulk references Caroline probably doesn't understand. Jeremy likes comic books, he thinks suddenly and stupidly. If there's one thing he doesn't need as a werewolf, it's a thought that will get him even more worked up, and that is Jeremy in a nutshell. In every way imaginable, always getting Tyler all worked up.

xXx

When he hears the knock on his door, Jeremy is engaged in an activity which started out as a way to stop envisioning Tyler as a werewolf and ended up as something quite different. Because the opposite of rough fur and fangs is obviously all that smooth muscled skin over Tyler's chest, his square white teeth that sunk themselves into Jeremy's bottom lip that day in the study he can't stop thinking about.

He hopes he looks casual and not at all flushed when he opens the door to Elena, who looks more than a bit flustered herself. Maybe Damon has been sitting too close again. But all Elena wants is to tell him to help Jenna, so Jeremy walks downstairs, attempting to subtly adjust his jeans as he goes.

xXx

When Tyler takes the first sip of wolfsbane water, it's worse than he could have imagined it, feels like burning hot liquid metal is coursing through his lungs and veins and stomach, hardening and twisting as it goes. Caroline puts her hands on his back and it's not wrong to imagine it's Jeremy, is it? Jeremy's hands stroking, fingers caressing. Anything to get him through this.

Just think, Tyler reminds himself a little later. Just _stay human_. That's all he has to do. Stay human for as long as possible.

But he doesn't think it is possible. It's the worst pain he's ever felt, and beneath that, an itch like incredible anticipation, and he knows it's only going to get worse. Even thinking about what other uses these chains could be put to isn't helping.

And Caroline's telling him to breathe through this like he's pregnant or some shit, and that _really _isn't helping. "You should go," he tells her, and then he feels his bones cracking and breaking and then he can't think anything else at all. He is vaguely aware of mumbling things to Caroline and panting all over her lap (not like _that_) like a sick dog, and then he is one.

He makes it through, and he's glad for Caroline's arms around his shoulders, however much he wishes she could be somebody else. "You're okay, you're okay now," she says, but he shakes his head.

He's not okay. He doesn't think he ever can be.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

(Season 2, Episode 12)

The world looks too bright, Tyler thinks. Not real at all. Booster clubs, school, Caroline in a perky dress saying "You did it!" These things don't exist, shouldn't exist, in the same world as the events of last night.

Her optimism is so damn annoying, mostly because Tyler is afraid that if she keeps it up, he's going to start to believe it.

He thanks Caroline, and then here's another danger he hadn't even anticipated, because she starts to get all smiley and rambly and Tyler has forgotten (how could he forget?) that girls will find significance in everything and nothing, so thank god Matt shows up before Tyler has to think of a way to turn her down gently.

Although, he thinks, glancing back at Matt and Caroline and how Matt reaches out to kiss her and she leans in, maybe he's just being a self-centered ass (again). Maybe if he stopped assuming that everyone wanted a piece of him, since they (Jeremy) obviously _don't_, everything would be a lot simpler.

xXx

Caroline got to see him naked. That's all Jeremy can think about, the day after the full moon. Caroline was there and Caroline was watching the whole time and probably after he shifted back she saw him naked. Maybe she even held him, pressing his shivering flesh to hers. And Jeremy is a horrible person for thinking this, for not thinking of the pain Tyler went through but instead about him naked, for thinking about himself all the time.

And then the thought creeps in, the one Jeremy has been trying to keep barred for weeks. He's been so goddamn selfish, only thinking of his own well-being, assuming that he was better off without Tyler and Tyler was better off without him. But what if, Jeremy thinks, Tyler's needs are greater than his? Tyler's needs are greater than his, his issues are bigger, his pain is more. What if he's needed Jeremy to stand there, to be a shoulder to lean on, and Jeremy's been hiding out in his house like the gigantic pussy he is?

Not, Jeremy thinks bitterly, that Tyler needs him now. Not now that he has Caroline.

xXx

"I just don't understand one thing," Tyler says. "Why would you risk it?" He doesn't understand what he ever did to be deserving of this, from anyone. Why Caroline would risk her life, just to help him. He knows, knows for sure, it's nothing he did. It must be her. Who would've ever suspected Caroline Forbes of all people of being a fucking saint?

"I could have killed you," he says. Jeremy's words pound in his head. _Can't deal with the death, can't handle the thought of you killing someone_. It's true. It's all true.

"It's like you don't want anyone to care about you," Caroline says, and Tyler's first reaction is to deny this completely. All he's ever wanted is for people to care: his father, his uncle, Vicky, _Jeremy_.

_But Jeremy does care_, whispers an exceedingly stupid and sentimental voice in the back of his head, one Tyler thought he had gotten rid of ages ago. _That's why he's staying away. He doesn't want to see you do something that would make him hate you. _

Tyler snaps back to the real world, to Caroline standing, one hip stuck out and keys in her hand, on her own doorstep. "Is that it, Tyler? You want me to stop caring? You don't want anyone to care?"

And, "No," Tyler says, stepping forward and lifting up an arm, unsure what he means to do with it until he grasps Caroline's elbow tight. "I don't know. I don't know."

Caroline softens, everything in her sagging just a little, and she brings the hand with her keys around to his back, a tight, awkward hug with elbows and angles all caught up in the middle. "I know," she says, her voice a sigh against the back of his neck. "Me neither."

xXx

And suddenly it's like everybody decided to care about Tyler all at once, because Jules is at the grill telling him things she thinks are new, about Mason, about other vampires that he just, he just doesn't even want to think about. It's all too much, suddenly, to think about how much Caroline is lying, how much they all have to lie to survive anymore.

xXx

Jeremy has been hanging out at the grill all day, too unsettled to go home, not nearly school spirited enough to stick around there. He thinks about approaching Damon when he enters, but Damon's got that look in his eyes like he's about to snap the neck of the next idiotic person to cross his path. And Jeremy might be an idiot, but he's not going to be _that _idiot today.

He skulks in the back, hides in a booth and orders cherry coke after cherry coke, bitterness at his inability to order anything stronger gnawing at him. He's playing with his straw wrapper, folding it to make it _sprong_ upward when he sees Tyler enter, determination written on every inch of his face.

Tyler sits down next to that other werewolf chick Damon probably wanted to snap the neck of earlier, but he doesn't stay long. His jaw gets tighter and tighter until Jeremy is sure it's going to implode.

Jeremy is standing up and inching away from his own table almost without realizing it, and so when Tyler stands up and pushes off from the table, headed for the back door out into the alley, Jeremy goes after him.

He isn't sure what makes him do it, except he's got this feeling that he's just got to do something for goddamn once. That maybe this time, the something that he does will make things better instead of infinitely worse.

Jeremy will just talk to Tyler, he thinks. He'll ask how he is, make sure he's okay after last night. Maybe he'll say they should be friends again, point out that they're on the same side, after all. Whatever that means anymore.

He catches up to Tyler halfway down the alley, where Tyler had stopped to lean his head against the wall, hands pressed flat to the brick and forehead digging in.

"Hey," Jeremy says, hand coming up to Tyler's shoulder of its own volition. He snatches it back, then thinks that's pretty rude and returns it, making slow circles on Tyler's back. "Hey. What's the matter?"

Tyler whips away from the wall and from Jeremy, facing him and clenching his fists. "What do you want, Jeremy?" he says, and his voice is careful, guarded.

"I…" and suddenly all the words in Jeremy's head, about being friends, being allies, sound unimaginably irrelevant. "I saw you leave the grill. You looked upset."

Tyler crosses his arms, but takes a step closer to Jeremy. "I'm fine," he says.

And then Jeremy is angry. Probably he is mostly angry at himself, and maybe a little bit at the world and also his sister for dragging him into all this and just supernatural creatures in general. "You're not fine," he says, and his voice is harsher than he wants it to be.

"I'm fine!" And now Tyler is shouting.

Jeremy wants to push Tyler up against the brick wall. He wants to throw his arms around him and squeeze all of Tyler's breath out. He wants to bite the edge of Tyler's collarbone he can see poking through his shirt until Tyler hisses and moans despite himself.

Jeremy throws up his hands and then shoves them in his pockets. He turns to go. "Fine," he says. "I'm sorry I asked. Fine."

He is almost to the end of the alley, about to turn onto the street, when he hears Tyler behind him. Footsteps scuffling, then a hand on his shoulder.

Jeremy turns. Tyler is biting his lip, looking as though he wants to say something that he already knows he'll regret but he can't quite stop himself.

"Do you care about me?" Tyler asks Jeremy.

"Do I care?" And all of the fury that had begun to ebb out of Jeremy returns. "Do I care about you? For God's sake, Tyler, I knew you were stupid but I didn't think you were this stupid."

Tyler makes a fist, jaw tightening, and Jeremy steps forward quick to take the fist in his hand, run his thumb over those rough knuckles. "Of course I care," he says, softer now. "For fuck's sake, Tyler, of course I care."

Tyler lets out a breath then, and Jeremy feels his fist relaxing. Then, he is less stopping Tyler from punching him as he is holding Tyler's hand, and the fluttering starts just below his ribcage. He catches Tyler's eye, glinting in the half-light of the alley, and Tyler's tongue darts out of his mouth for a miniscule moment, swipes at the corner of his lip.

It is all too much, emotions tugging at Jeremy's insides and blood rushing in his head. He drops Tyler's hand.

Tyler immediately puts it behind his back, and Jeremy would not be surprised if it were fisted again, and then steps back. "Sorry," Tyler says. "I just." And then he laughs, shaky. "I guess I have been having kind of a tough time lately."

"No, I'm sorry," Jeremy says. "I was stupid. I—I want to be there for you, now that you're shifting and all." He hesitates, wanting to say something more, and then all the things he planned before come to his lips, too late and still irrelevant. "We should be friends, you know? I mean, we're working together, all of us, and…and you can talk to me if you want to. You know, if Caroline's busy or whatever."

Tyler's head, which had been going steadily down toward his chest throughout this speech, jerks up at the mention of Caroline. He opens his mouth and says, "What? Yeah, Caroline, she—"

But Jeremy, suddenly sure that Tyler is about to confide something, confirm his suspicions of naked wolf cuddling, takes a half step back and to the side. "I have to go," he says, feeling miserable and heavy and cold. "But give me a call whenever, or find me at school."

"Jeremy!" Tyler calls from behind, but Jeremy only waves back over his shoulder, biting his lip till it bleeds. If he looks back, he knows he will see Tyler standing there, maybe looking forlorn or maybe angry or maybe just disgusted or maybe already turned away and gone. So he doesn't look back.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9:

(Season 2, Episode 13)

Tyler spends too long that night feeling hurt and lost, unsure of how to analyze the way Jeremy grabbed his hand in the alleyway, the way he walked away. Maybe Jeremy is just being nice, being a decent human being or whatever, and maybe there's something more to it, but Tyler can't think those thoughts right now, not with everything else he's got to think about.

The next morning, he is more confused than relieved to find that he doesn't feel wounded anymore. Just angry. He knows it isn't Caroline's fault, that if there's anyone he should be pushing up against car doors and threatening to bite it's that ass Damon, but the tiny whimper she lets slip feels good when it hits his ears.

As he walks away, Tyler rubs his mouth and wonders idly if he might be some kind of sadist or something. That would just be the cherry on top of his werewolf sundae.

And then Jules is back, as though Tyler doesn't have enough to worry about, enough lies to keep straight in his head already. She's talking escape and bigotry, and Tyler is relieved to find that he's not crazy enough yet that what she says makes sense. Though he almost breaks when she starts talking about taking care of each other, because goddamnit if that doesn't sound like the family Tyler always wished he had.

But before he's had a chance to even think about making a decision, right on schedule there's Stefan, sticking his stupid vampire forehead in where it doesn't belong. Again. And he's pushing Tyler up against the wall in his father's study like he doesn't know what sort of memories that triggers, which, to be fair, Tyler supposes he doesn't.

But there's no room for fair in this relationship, no room for anything but hate and Tyler's so tired of it already.

xXx

Jeremy is tired, with no time for sleep last night between sessions of beating his head against the pillow and the wall, thinking of ten thousand better things he could have said to Tyler. Because if Tyler wasn't with Caroline before, he sure as hell is going to be now after that display last night.

Maybe to prove to himself that he's actually capable of something good, Jeremy walks to Bonnie, and is surprised to hear his voice come out slightly…threatening when he asks if there's a problem. There's a comfort in putting his arm around Bonnie as they walk away, and a truth to what she's saying. In this town, there are always more lies.

xXx

"Stop being a dick," Stefan says, and Tyler almost laughs out loud, because he gets the feeling that this is something Stefan constantly wants to say, to everyone but mostly to his brother.

And then Stefan says the same thing Jeremy said last night, that they're keeping the same secret, so why not work together? And Tyler has to admit, it just sounds so much easier than joining forces with some crazy chick with pack mentality and engaging in a legendary battle.

"I'm trying to save your life!" Stefan says, throwing Tyler's phone down, Jules's number flashing on the screen.

"Join the club," Tyler says hollowly, and is back to having no idea in hell what to do.

But Stefan won't let it go. Of course he won't. And he's talking about friends and family and building a life like that's easy. Like it's easy to be good. And they both know _that's_ not true.

What is easy is the choice between Caroline and Jules. Tyler may be a budding psychopath, but he knows that there can't be loyalty between him and anybody who tortures the only person who's actually given him a chance lately.

As soon as Stefan hangs up the phone, Tyler is standing up. "Let's go," he says.

"Wait, wait a minute," Stefan says, holding his hands up. He's playing the cautious one, another familiar role, Tyler thinks. "What are you planning to do?"

"Pretend to trade me for her," Tyler says, the plan taking shape in his mind half a breath before he says the words. "I mean, really trade me for her."

"What, so you can turn around and kill us all when Jules and her gang come after us?" Stefan asks, looking like he's about to push Tyler up against the wall again, so Tyler holds up _his _hands.

"No, I'll you know, still be on your side. Be your guy on the inside, whatever." He can't help sneering a little bit as he says it. Caroline may be more okay than he ever imagined, but Tyler suspects that there may be something to that legendary hatred between vampires and werewolves after all. Either that or most of the vampires he knows are just dicks.

But, just as Tyler begins to hope that Jules is going to fall for Stefan's oh-so-calm-and-reasonable act, there's Damon, ready to ruin everything. Like always, and Tyler thinks about the way things never really change.

And for a minute, he thinks he's actually going to stand there and watch as his brand spanking new _packmates _tear Damon and Stefan to bits.

But he's got a shrill blond vampire to save. He hesitates when he sees her; he's never seen Caroline look so bad, and then he hesitates again at the door, because when it comes down to it, how do you choose? How do you choose between your own future and someone else's life? When did it become so impossible to tell the difference between lies and the truth?

So it's a good thing, in the end, that there's always some voodoo witch magic to save the day in the nick of time.

"I don't know who to trust," he tells Caroline. "I'm sorry," he tells her, and he can hear his own voice break and wonders if she can hear it too, if she knows how much he's breaking inside. But, he suspects, maybe she can't hear it over all the breaking going on inside herself right now.

So he can't blame her, really, for dramatically telling him to get the hell out of his house, as much as he damns himself for always pushing people away, hesitating until they leave. One of these days, Tyler knows, he is going to have to reach out and not pull back.

xXx

Jeremy is at the grill with Bonnie when Tyler calls.

"Hello?" he says, turning away from the table, away from Bonnie who's right in the middle of a sentence.

There is only breathing on the other line for a moment, then Tyler's voice, harsh and quiet. "Jeremy?"

"Yeah. Yeah, it's me," Jeremy says, like it would be anybody else.

"I—can I meet you somewhere?" Tyler says, all in a rush. "Like, right now?"

"Sure, yeah, of course, sure," Jeremy says, and he doesn't know how his heart can start thudding that quickly that fast, like zero to sixty in half a second.

He meets Tyler at the edge of the woods, which, he stops to think once he's already there, is probably not the smartest place to be right now, given Jules and her pack of rabid beasts and all.

But they're apparently not a problem, since the first thing Tyler says is, "I'm going with Jules."

"What?" Jeremy chokes, feeling like there's a net over him and he can't quite find the way to scramble out. Tyler leaving, Tyler joining the wolves, Tyler gone, maybe forever.

"You can get the details from Stefan," Tyler says, sounding almost impatient now. "I'm the new undercover guy." He salutes smartly, but his mouth twists in a way that makes it clear it's mocking.

"When are you leaving?" Jeremy says, and tries to make himself sound less breathless.

Tyler jerks a thumb back into the woods. "Now, pretty much. They're waiting back there."

And then all the words that have been churning in Jeremy's mind all day tumble out of his mouth. "I'm sorry," he says. "I'm an idiot. No, I'm an asshole. I'm selfish. I thought I was being safe but I'm just…I'm selfish. And I'm sorry." He wants to take the two steps forward and lean his head down on Tyler's chest, but he can't make his feet move.

Tyler shrugs with his hands in his pockets, making the fabric of his jeans pull taut, and Jeremy swallows, remorse mixing with something infinitely more pleasant.

"I understand," he says. "I mean, yeah, you're a jerk. But I get it."

And then Jeremy does step forward, crosses the space between them in a step and a half and wraps his arms around Tyler's shoulders, pinning his arms to his sides. He squeezes, pushing his forehead into the rough, zippered fabric at Tyler's shoulder, and to his surprise, Tyler laughs.

"Dude, mood swing much?" he says, still laughing. "I'm starting to think that you're very unstable."

"You're one to talk," Jeremy says, voice muffled against Tyler's jacket.

He loosens his hands a little and pulls back, but as soon as Tyler gets his hands free he pulls Jeremy back again. Tyler's jacket has pulled open, and Jeremy's face presses against his collarbone through the worn t-shirt. Jeremy breathes in, and then very deliberately brings his mouth up to bite Tyler's collarbone gently.

"Hey," Tyler says, sounding bemused. "I'm the one who's supposed to bite people, you know."

Jeremy lifts up his head and grins at Tyler, feeling suddenly brave, like there can be no obstacles in these final moments. "Is that so?"

"That's so," Jeremy gets out as Tyler's lips crash against his.

The kiss is hard and long, teeth nipping, tongues curling, but after days and weeks of this being all that Jeremy's wanted, he finds that it isn't quite what he wants right now. So he wraps his arms around Tyler again, pulling him close, holding him tight. "I don't ever want to let you go," he says, and closes his eyes.

xXx

Too soon, Tyler goes, drinks with the werewolves, and listens to more lies about how it's not always blood and death and more complicated moonstone conspiracy shit. When they start to talk about family, Tyler is almost drawn in, wants to scoot a little closer, until he remembers the feel of Jeremy's lips on his, Jeremy's hand fisted so tight in the back of his jacket, the way he said, "I don't ever want to let you go." And Tyler knows who his real family is.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10:

(Season 2, Episode 14)

All in all, Tyler has to admit that he's relieved that the werewolves are sticking around for a little longer. He really did not want to pack up and leave town, tempting as the thought is sometimes.

Of course, the thought usually includes a lot more of him and Jeremy on a deserted beach somewhere, sipping rum and watching each other tan, and less of hanging out in an old trailer in the woods with a bunch of mangy murderers.

But there's always a catch, because, "We need you to help us find the moonstone," Brady says, and Tyler jumps on that because maybe finally someone will take him out of the dark as far as all these spells and magical rocks are concerned.

"Werewolf domination," the new kid says, and Tyler sighs because he already knows this guy is going to be a pain in his ass. What kind of a name is Stevie, anyway?

And of course Elena's mixed up in all this, because she always, always seems to be right in the middle whenever anything horrible happens in Mystic Falls. Tyler's mind jumps to Jeremy, wonders what Jeremy knows and what Jeremy hasn't told him, wonders how much more danger he's putting Jeremy in with everything he lets slip.

Caroline's got to have the answers, but she won't talk to him and that's Tyler's own goddamn fault too. Tyler knows he's not going to make it any better by stealing her phone, but it's like his fingers move too fast for his mind to register, or maybe that's just what he's trying to convince himself.

Meanwhile, Matt's misreading things, but the way he says "Stop. Lying" strikes somewhere deep in Tyler, under his breastbone, and it hurts. Suddenly, he wishes he could tell Matt everything, confide in him and be his best friend the way he used to before talking about your feelings made you less of a man.

As Matt walks away, Tyler knows with sudden clarity that he's going to lose everything unless he does something about it. And fast.

So he tells them where to find Elena, feeling like he's drowning there among the trees. Maybe, he thinks, if he's understanding the curse correctly, this is the smarter option. He's got a better chance of protecting Elena against two and a half wolves (Stevie barely counts) than against a bunch of super old vampires, and besides, Stefan will be there, and Tyler knows he'll die before he lets them touch Elena. And they haven't been able to kill him yet.

xXx

Bonnie calls and Jeremy jumps at the chance for a distraction, anything to get him out of the house and out of his own mind for a few hours. Also, though, he is rather pleased to be asked, to be considered cool or savvy enough to participate in the latest step of whatever plan they're clinging to these days.

"How does this work?" he asks Bonnie, wondering self-pityingly if he'll ever _really_ be in the loop or if he'll always just be the guy who's good for carting candles and bodies around.

At least, he thinks, Tyler's finally started being honest with him. He wants to ask Caroline about him, find out if she knows what Jeremy knows, but he stops himself. Even if that wouldn't make Caroline look at him weird, now is really not the time.

xXx

"You up for this?" Brady asks, and Tyler knows what the right answer is, but he hesitates.

He knows that Elena's aligned herself with Stefan and Damon, he _knows_ that Damon killed Mason. There are so many figures, so much logic in his head, but Tyler feels like he doesn't know anything at all.

But, "Yes," he answers Brady, trying to make his voice sound firm, trying to will his hands not to shake even a little bit when Brady talks about what will happen if he wusses out. As Brady drones on, Tyler can feel himself being pulled deeper and deeper, under the weight of all the expectation hanging off him: protect Elena, keep Jeremy safe, _don't let anyone else die_.

Please, God, he thinks, praying to a place that's been ignored and kept empty for years, if it was ever full at all, please don't let anyone else die.

Because sometimes, Tyler is afraid that he likes the red hot flash of blood too much, afraid that if he lets it, death will consume him.

Then he tells himself to pull it together, stop acting like the brooding hero of some melodramatic teen movie. He's going to have to get himself together to stay afloat from here on out.

xXx

Jeremy doesn't like the way Luka's eyes roll back in his head, the way he loses control. He turns away, wipes his mouth because he can feel salt gathering there. And he thinks he might get sick, especially when people start throwing around his sister's name and the word "dead" in the same sentence.

They're in over their heads now, there's no denying that. Maybe they have been for a while. And Jeremy thinks, if only there was someone they could tell, someone to foist all this responsibility off onto. But there isn't. There isn't anybody.

xXx

Tyler expects to feel sick when he sees Stefan writhing on the ground of the shed, expects to feel his heart beating fast in his ears. But he doesn't feel anything at all. It's like he's numb, wrapped up in sheets and on roller skates, like some ill-advised kid on Halloween.

"I can't let you break the curse," he tells Stefan. _I can't help you_, he wants to tell him. Because Brady will know and Brady will hurt him. Brady's probably actually crazy, not the kind of crazy Tyler sometimes fancies he is, and he'll find out what Tyler loves and he'll hurt that too. _I'm sorry_, he wants to tell Stefan. _But you're not the most important thing_.

"I can't be like this forever!" Tyler says, and knows that he's sealing his fate as a monster even as his fingers brush the trigger.

"In order to break the curse," Stefan says, everything in his voice saying _this is a turning point, I'm counting on it_, "Elena has to die."

And Tyler stops. Because he didn't want to hear the words. He could know the general concept and not think about Elena's pretty smile or the way she tilts her head to the side during class, he could hold a gun on Stefan and his brain could skitter away from the word "die" until Stefan said it.

But now, now his hands begin to shake, and he drops the gun and the stake with a clatter to the floor. His knees hit it not long after, and then he's shaking there on the floor of the shed, as powerless as Stefan.

"I'm sorry," he says, and through his slitted eyes he sees Stefan grit his teeth and dig his fingers into his own leg, pull out the bullet that Tyler put there.

"I know," Stefan says. "I'm sorry too. I'm sorry you had to get mixed up in this."

"It was my own fault," Tyler says bitterly, but Stefan's calm tone—even though he must be in pain—steadies him, and he wipes his eyes with the backs of his hands and sits up. "Do you still need help with that bullet?"

Stefan is gritting his teeth again, trying to work his fingers at an impossible angle into his own chest. "Yeah," he pants. "I think I might."

So Tyler takes a breath, which doesn't help, and then peels away Stefan's collar. The bullet is in deep, and Tyler closes his eyes as his fingers find the hole, shoves his thumb and forefinger in. Stefan groans, but Tyler can feel the hard wood under his fingers, and he hooks the bullet and tugs until it pops out with a sound he'd rather not hear ever again.

Watching Stefan and Elena hug, Tyler knows: he couldn't have done anything else. He might be a murderer and he might be a gullible idiot and a jackass on every day of the week that ends in "y," but he knows he couldn't have done it. He can't kill again, can't be responsible for that.

"I don't want to be like this anymore," he tells them, and doesn't know exactly what he means except that this, the numbness giving way to heart wrenching pangs and tiny teeth gnashing at the inside of his stomach, is how he never expected to feel and how he never wants to feel again.

Elena hugs him and he shudders into her shoulder. "It's okay," she tells him. "It will be okay." And maybe Tyler's still a gullible idiot after all, because some part of him believes her.

xXx

"You're Elena's little brother," Bonnie says without preamble. "You're that punk kid."

Jeremy remembers his awkward phase too (all of his life, it seems, has been an awkward phase). He remembers trying to be better than Elena, or at least be good enough to get noticed next to her perfection, and then when that failed, being bad enough to get noticed. He remembers wanting so much and feeling like he got so little. Feeling like Tyler Lockwood was the reason why.

So when Bonnie calls him hot, and moves to take a step closer, Jeremy takes a step back and knows: she's doing this for the wrong reasons. He smiles a sideways smile and says, "Bonnie, I'm sorry, I can't," words he doesn't think he would have said a week ago or even two days ago.

Bonnie crosses her arms and her chin juts forward. "What? You've been chasing me for weeks and all of a sudden you're not interested? Whatever, Jeremy." She goes to turn on her heel, but Jeremy catches her elbow.

"Listen, Bonnie," he says, even though she's not looking at him. "We both know I'm not the one you want." He's only guessing on this, but something about the way she held Luka's head, the way she bit her lip, tells him he's not wrong.

Bonnie glances back at him over her shoulder. There is still irritation in her face, but beneath that, a softening in the eyes that might become understanding later. "Whatever, Jeremy," she says again, and he lets her walk out of Caroline's house without him.

Because it's different now. Jeremy's not a punk kid anymore. He may not always feel useful, he may not always be sure, and he damn well doesn't feel happy or secure right now, but he knows who he is. He knows what he wants. He knows that Tyler Lockwood really is the reason why.

xXx

Tyler owes some people the truth, and even if he can't give all of it, he owes them at least some of it. He owes it to Matt, who's always been solid, his mother who's always been kind even if she didn't understand. To Caroline who's been there. So he leaves a note for his mother and he talks to Matt at the grill. But he lingers outside Caroline's house and doesn't go in, because she was right. Because she has a right not to trust him or talk to him until he's proven he can be better.

Which is just what he plans to do.

"If I'm gonna go with you, no more lies," he tells Jules, knowing that they're all he can ever tell her. He slides into her passenger seat and the snap of the door closing feels like a premonition, like cages and dungeons and his future unless he can figure this shit out.

"I can't stay here," he says. "Not like this." His final truth. Tyler can't stay here when Caroline can't trust him to save her, when Jeremy can't trust him not to kill again. He wills his nose and eyes not to run as they take off down the dark street, hoping he won't be gone too long.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11:

(Season 2, Episodes 15 and 16)

Jeremy is walking to school, hands in his pockets, eyes on the ground. It seems stupid to even go to school these days. Elena hardly ever does. She's too busy hiding from Elijah and probably doing it with Stefan on their parents' old bed in the cabin. Although, he considers, maybe even Elena isn't that morbid.

He is so engrossed in kicking a pebble as hard as he possibly can that he doesn't see the shadow of someone approaching until he runs right into Tyler's broad chest.

Jeremy almost falls to the side, but Tyler reaches out one arm and catches him, hand strong and firm around Jeremy's waist.

"Hi," Tyler says. His eyes are narrowed, but he's smiling, a smile that seems to warm the air around them until they're encased in a small, golden bubble. Just Tyler and Jeremy and Tyler's hand that still hasn't left Jeremy's waist.

"You didn't leave," he says. "I thought you ran away from home."

This is the story that Jenna told him last night, sitting on his bed and hand on his knee, all sympathy. "I know you and Tyler were friends," she said. "Did you have any idea he was going to do this?"

Jeremy shook his head. Run away from home, no. Run away and start a new life with all his werewolf pals? Sure, yeah, Jeremy had known about that and apparently hadn't even merited a real goodbye.

Now, Tyler does take his hand from Jeremy's waist to run it through Jeremy's hair and then hold fast to the back of his neck. "Change of plans," he says, grinning and pulling Jeremy to him.

Their mouths are just about to touch when Jeremy wakes up.

xXx

After he has shaken off sleep and disappointment, Jeremy goes to the grill because he needs to remember what the real world looks like. There, he finds Bonnie, who is perfectly civil and perfectly committed to pretending that last night never happened. Which is fine by Jeremy. He's got enough to think about.

Then he's Jeremy Gilbert, witch's assistant. Watching Bonnie create fire out of nothingness and creating nothing himself. And he has to admit, it's sort of sexy the way Bonnie puts a hand on his chest. The thought of submitting completely.

But he doesn't get to figure out what it'd be like, because Luka's crazy witch father bursts into Jeremy's house like that is an acceptable mode of entry. And maybe submitting completely isn't all it's cracked up to be, since Bonnie looks broken and scared without her powers, and Jeremy pulls her head in to him like he can protect her. Like he can make any difference at all.

xXx

So Jeremy's out of a job again, and Bonnie doesn't want him to help her get her powers back, would rather depend on vampires and seek solace from Elena and Caroline that Jeremy, the one who's actually been there for her lately. Although, he reminds himself, there was that time he straight up shot her down when she finally made a move. He has to admit that he was giving mad mixed signals. But still.

With nothing to do after school, Jeremy finds himself in the cemetery. His feet followed the path there almost automatically, even though he hasn't been here in months. Not since last summer, not since long before vampires started showing up at their high school and life got unbearably complicated, not since it had only been a few months.

And that, horribly, shows in the way he can't remember the location of his parents' graves. He wanders through rows and rows of headstones with names he doesn't recognize, scans each section for something that looks familiar, but nothing does. Jeremy's breath starts coming faster when he passes the front gate for the third time, and he's about to give up and start crying right there in the middle of the main path when he sees them.

There, off to the side in the front left corner, shielded from view by a scraggly tree that's probably pretty when it's warmer out, and maybe even blossoms in the spring. But that doesn't matter.

All that matters are the names, Grayson and Miranda, carved into the stone deep as scratches that turn to scars. Jeremy kneels down in front of them and then sits, bringing his knees up to his face and rocking slightly. He thinks, _You should be here. Why aren't you here? If you were here, you could make everything okay. _

He knows this isn't true. He knows that there was no one better than his mother for healing skinned knees and no one better than his father for picking up bruised spirits off the ground and dusting them off, but he knows they couldn't do anything now. They'd be as lost as Jeremy is.

But at least if they were here, Jeremy could pretend. Pretend that he doesn't have to face all the things that scare him all at once. Pretend that his sister and his aunt and all this friends and the boy he can't stop thinking about could die any day. He could pretend that anything he does is actually going to help.

He could pretend that he doesn't love Tyler, that the attraction he feels is only physical or that these feelings are the kind that pass. He could pretend that there isn't a tangible ache inside him, a void stretching bigger with every hour Tyler's gone.

But Jeremy can't pretend anymore. It's way past time for that.

xXx

Because nothing's ever going to stop getting more and more awful. After the scene of darkness and hellfire at the grill, he sits with Bonnie and tries to think of what to say, how to fill the emptiness he can feel flowing out of both of them.

"I can't believe Luka's dead," Bonnie says. "I couldn't do anything to help. I was useless. I hated it," and Jeremy almost wants to roll his eyes and say, "Join the club," except that Bonnie looks so miserable.

"You've got a serious case of denial going," he says to Bonnie, and realizes again that they are way more alike than he ever thought possible. Because Jeremy can't keep thinking that the path he's been going down is normal, that barely speaking to anyone and hanging out in cemeteries is normal. He can't keep pretending.

"But I'm here for you, no matter what," he tells Bonnie, and Bonnie sighs and says, "Yeah, me too. I mean, for you."

There is a moment where Jeremy cocks his head and looks at Bonnie, sitting across from him in his living room, gauging if she's serious. Gauging if this can possibly be a good idea. His heart is pounding, and he wants to. He wants to let the newly realized words spill from his lips.

Now that he's not pretending, he wants to tell someone.

So he tells her. "Bonnie," he says. "Can I tell you something? A secret?"

And she smiles a little bit. "Yeah, sure, Jeremy." Like she's expecting him to tell her that he stole Elena's iPod and she hasn't noticed yet, or something.

"Remember when you tried to make a move on me?" he says, which is possibly not the best lead in.

And sure enough, Bonnie purses her lips and leans back. "You mean two days ago? Sure, I remember."

Jeremy takes a breath. "The reason I couldn't—the reason I can't, I…" and his mouth is too dry but he's got to finish saying it at this point. "It's because I'm in love with Tyler," he says, and watches Bonnie's eyes go wide.

And then wider. She clasps her hands together over her knee, and then pulls them apart quick and they whap onto the couch on either side of her. "Well," Bonnie says. "Well, I guess that explains a couple things."

Jeremy starts to laugh, at first a little choky and then fuller. Bonnie looks at him and then starts to giggle too. "It's a little hard to picture," she says, and then when Jeremy raises and eyebrow, she puts up a hand. "Not that I want to."

And Jeremy feels better than he has in a long time.

xXx

After Bonnie leaves and Katherine leaves and Jeremy goes up to his room, he flips open his phone and hovers over the keys, willing himself to press send. He reminds himself again that it is time to stop pretending, and then presses his finger down.

The ringing is interminable until Tyler's voice fills Jeremy's ear. "Hello?"

He sounds tired, and his voice is a little rough. "Tyler," and then can't make himself lead with all the proclamations of feelings, so he asks, "How's Florida?"

There is a pause that goes on just a little bit too long, then a noise like a screen door slamming, and then Tyler says. "It's okay," and Jeremy can picture him shrugging, and maybe flexing his jaw. "Jeremy."

Jeremy's breath catches, hearing his own name. "What?"

"Jeremy, why did you call?"

He sounds tired, like maybe he would like to get off the phone, so Jeremy flusters. "Matt got hurt tonight," he says, and then realized that if he weren't so selfish, he would have thought of this as a actual reason to call in the first place. "Stabbed by that crazy witch dude. But he's okay now," he hastens as he pictures Tyler's fingers tightening on his phone.

Tyler sighs out, long and hissing. "Sometimes," he says. "I hate everyone."

"I love you," Jeremy says.

There is a silence again, this time so long that Jeremy thinks maybe Tyler hung up. "Tyler?" he says. "Tyler."

"I'm here," Tyler says, then laughs shaky. "You can't just say shit like that, Jeremy."

"Why not?" Jeremy asks, feeling an ill-advised pout coming on.

"Because…because it's just too much," Tyler says. "I'm dealing with shit here, and it's…it's bad, Jeremy."

Jeremy feels all the fluttering feelings dropping into his stomach. "I know," he says. "It's bad here too. I shouldn't have said anything. Don't feel like you have to say it too just because I'm stupid."

"But that doesn't mean I don't love you too," Tyler says, raising his voice and talking over him. "You idiot."

Jeremy can feel his smile tugging, so big it hurts. "When will you be back?" he asks.

Tyler sighs again. "I don't know."


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

(Season 2, Episodes 17, 18, and 19)

Jeremy hates to admit it, but he's still in awe of Bonnie's power. Watching her turn the sky dark and move leaves around like the end of the world, he wishes he were a witch for a second, just so that he could be the one to save the day. Not that exploring creepy old houses and getting looks from Damon isn't fun.

Later, at home, Jeremy feels his throat working as he remembers being in that dusty, old-gold house, hearing the voices coming out of the walls, and thinks that there's nothing worse than not knowing what's going on, nothing worse than secrets that could kill you.

He remembers Bonnie's face, the way it twisted, and thinks about how they're all so broken, so long before their time.

If there's one thing Jeremy knows, it's that he won't let Bonnie sacrifice herself. He can't.

Outside of the high school, Bonnie practically glowing in the dark in her '60s dress, he tries to press the ring into her hand, but she won't take it. And Jeremy thinks about everybody who's died around him, maybe because of him: Vicky, who was the first one to ever give him a chance. Anna, who he tries not to think about too much, because he thinks he loved her, he really does.

If he can't save Bonnie, if she won't let him, that will be his fault too, even if it isn't.

"We need to have a little talk," Damon says, and there's a moment of heart-crushing pain followed by bone-melting joy when Bonnie's dead but she's alive again. Now, at least, he has a task, and if the only useful thing he does is keep Bonnie's secrets, then maybe that should be enough.

Of course it isn't enough, though, but Jeremy feels paralyzed, stuck in that house with Bonnie and a million dead witches and unable to make his feet move in any direction.

As the days pass and Elena makes more stupid, brave decisions and things seem to be moving toward some inevitable conclusion, Jeremy just feels like he's waiting. Waiting for Tyler to get back, waiting for Klaus to show himself, waiting for the next awful thing to happen. Waiting for some perfect destiny to fall into his lap so he'll finally feel like he's making a difference.

Well, maybe it's time to stop waiting.

* * *

A/N: Short chapter this time, but I hear tell from spoiling myself on TVD wiki that Tyler comes back next episode, so expect a lot more to happen next chapter (and for our boys to finally start getting a little less angsty). In the meantime, reviews are always appreciated.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

(Season 2, Episode 20)

"I need you," Tyler's mother says, desperation bleeding through her calm voice on the phone. "Please. Come home."

Tyler clutches his phone under his chin and grinds his teeth down hard. Then he lifts his eyes to Jules. "I have to go," he says.

Immediately, she shakes her head. "It could be a trap," she says. She folds her arms. "It's not worth it."

"It's my mother!" Tyler shouts, and then he is on his feet.

"I can't lose you!" Jules shouts out the door after him, but Tyler barely hears her through the wind in his ears.

It's not that he doesn't appreciate everything Jules has done for him. It's not that at all. These couple of weeks have been a thousand times better than Tyler ever would have thought—between the bouts of guilt he feels for leaving everyone behind. His mother, Caroline, Jeremy—and Jules has been good to him. Feeding him, letting him stay on her couch without a word about how it must be inconveniencing her. And all the while telling him stories. About the wolves she's been with in Florida (before the vamptastic murder twins killed them all anyway), about how to control the wolf. About Mason.

It all sounds not nearly so bad as he'd been imagining. It sounds kind of like a family, actually. An awful family who have to tie each other up and stop each other from killing innocent people sometimes, sure. But at least it's a family that doesn't keep secrets.

But it's not a family he loves. Not like Tyler loves his mother, a mix of half happiness and half pain when he sees her lying there in the hospital bed.

xXx

Jeremy isn't waiting any longer for people to let him into the loop when and if they feel like it. He calls Elena, half-leaning out the window of the oldest, creepiest house in the world so he can get just a sliver of service.

"Hello?" Elena's voice sounds small, and distracted. "Jeremy. Is there something wrong?"

"No, nothing's wrong," he says, peeking back over his shoulder at Bonnie, who is sitting with her back straight in the middle of the floor, eyes closed. Probably communing with something or other. "I just wanted to know what's going on on your end."

And that's when Elena tells him. "Klaus still doesn't have a werewolf, we don't think," she finishes. "Are you sure you haven't heard from Tyler since he left?"

Almost before she's finished her sentence, Jeremy has hit end and is running. Down the stairs and out of the house with Bonnie calling out behind him, but he can fill her in later. Or someone else can. For now (always), the important thing is Tyler.

Tyler is not picking up his phone. "Come on, come on," Jeremy says, trying to hit redial while running and almost dropping his phone in the process.

He's left three messages by the time he gets to the grill, where he runs into Caroline.

"Whoa, Jeremy," she says. "Slow down."

Jeremy leans over, hands on his knees. "Have you heard from Tyler?" he wheezes, telling himself that he will not be jealous if she has, if Tyler called Caroline and not him. That's not what's important now.

Caroline looks surprised. "Oh, so you heard?" she says. "Yeah, Matt says his mom's in the hospital. He got here late last night. Or maybe early this morning. I'm on my way to go see him now."

"Thanks," Jeremy says, already off and running again.

xXx

By around ten, Tyler's mother is sleeping and he is feeling the effects of a night with no sleep. It's a long drive from Florida, after all. He steps out into the hall and almost immediately has the breath knocked out of him. Because standing at the end of it is Jeremy, arguing fiercely with a nurse and pointing emphatically right at Tyler.

He hasn't seen Tyler yet, and Tyler has to fight the urge to duck back into his mother's room. But Tyler Lockwood is no pussy, hiding from boys who say they love him and feelings he doesn't quite understand. Even if both those things scare the shit out of him.

Instead he puts his shoulders back and walks down the hall, heart thudding a little bit off-beat from his footsteps. "Jeremy Gilbert," he says, because apparently he's going for some sort of formal-yet-casual approach. "Always causing trouble."

Jeremy turns toward him, and then the breath is knocked out of Tyler for real when Jeremy hugs him hard, accidentally knocking his head against Tyler's collarbone.

The nurse looks taken aback for a second, then gives a small smile and turns away.

"Hey. Hey," Tyler says, his voice coming out softer than he would have expected it to. "You okay?" He asks this because Jeremy still has not let go of him.

But after a second, Jeremy steps back and gives that laugh he has, the one-syllable laugh that means he knows he's done something a little weird. "Sorry," he says, hand coming up to touch the back of his head. "I'm just glad you're okay."

Tyler's eyes narrow. "Why would I not be okay?"

Jeremy presses his lips together, then grabs Tyler's hand and tugs him toward a slightly open door about four rooms down from his mother's. He pokes his head in, then pokes it back out. "It's empty."

Inside, Jeremy drops his hand and leans against the window. Tyler follows him, standing about a foot in front of him. This is probably too close, he realizes, but now that he is here, now that his heart is jumping all over the place and he can't stop looking at Jeremy's fingers playing with the hem of his shirt, he can't stay away.

"I don't know the details," Jeremy says in a rush. "But that Klaus guy needs a werewolf for some spell, and I figured he had lured you here and gotten you already." He takes a breath, and properly looks at Tyler for the first time, eyes devouring the whole of him, and Tyler feels suddenly self-conscious of the way he hasn't had a shower or brushed his hair in more than twenty-four hours. "I'm glad he hasn't, for the record."

Then Tyler laughs. "Me too," he says, and then, "It's good to see you."

Jeremy kneels down, wrapping his arms around Tyler's waist and pressing his face into Tyler's stomach, holding tight, his shoulders heaving slightly, and Tyler puts his hands on them. "It's good to see you too," comes Jeremy's muffled voice.

After a moment, Jeremy looks up at him, and there is a hint of a smile playing around the corners of his mouth, so Tyler smiles back, encouraged. It feels as though it's been years since he last smiled; the muscles around his jaw are tight.

Then Jeremy smiles wider, leans away and begins tugging on Tyler's belt buckle, slipping it through the loops and open.

"Jeremy, what…?" Tyler says, his smile fading now and a thudding heart in his throat taking its place. "What are you doing?"

"Exactly what it looks like," Jeremy said, and pops open the button of Tyler's jeans.

"Are—are you sure?" Tyler asks. "I mean, I know you're going through a rough time and everything, and you feel like you have to do this because I might be in danger or maybe the world is ending tonight, I'm not quite clear on what you were saying, but…"

"There's never going to be a time when tonight isn't possibly the end of the world, Tyler," Jeremy says, eyes hard now. "Not in Mystic Falls. So yeah, I'm sure."

There's fire in Tyler's chest, and he leans down and grabs Jeremy's face. Probably too roughly, but he doesn't care, just leans and leans until their lips hit, hot and pressing and everything Tyler needs. After a minute, Tyler straightens, breathless.

And then Jeremy closes his eyes, opens his mouth, and moves closer and closer until Tyler has to close _his _eyes, lean his head back, and stop thinking entirely so there's enough room for everything he's feeling.

Tyler's gotten blowjobs before, of course (though not as many as other people think), but they've never been like this. It's a little bit, Tyler thinks, like the shift. The letting go, the turning into something else. But instead of the pain, all there is is tiny jumps of sensation and then huge swoops of it that make their way up through his stomach, and he thinks his fingers are trembling.

"God, you're gorgeous," he says after, running those still-trembling fingers through Jeremy's hair and looking down.

Jeremy looks up at him, grinning ruefully and wiping his mouth. "That's just the orgasm talking," he says.

Tyler feels the waves of pleasure ebbing, irritation taking their place. "It's true," he says.

"Yeah, sure, whatever, man," Jeremy says, standing up.

"I'm serious," Tyler says, feeling like the world's biggest girl. "I feel like you're not taking this seriously. If you're right, I might die tonight. Everyone we know might die tonight. Why aren't you taking this seriously?"

Jeremy puts out a hand, rubbing at the inside of Tyler's wrist. "Because," he says. "I _can't _take this seriously. If I do, I'll start thinking that it's real."

Tyler yanks his hand back and starts to zip up his pants. "Not three days ago, you told me that you loved me," he says, hating how petulant he sounds. "Are you saying that that's not real?"

Jeremy bites his lip and looks down, and when he looks back up, Tyler thinks he's about to cry or maybe he's already started. "That's just it," Jeremy says. "Everyone I love is always dying. So maybe, maybe if I—" Then his lip is trembling and he looks down again, and Tyler sighs at how stupid he's been, how stupid they're both always being, and takes a step forward.

He wraps his arms around Jeremy there in that empty hospital room he damn well hopes they're never going to see again, and rests his chin on Jeremy's shaking shoulder. "Too late, I think," he tells Jeremy. "Way too damn late for that."

xXx

After a while, Jeremy has to go back to Bonnie and "bodyguard duty," he says, grinning and rolling his eyes a little bit, so Tyler heads outside.

Where Jules is waiting.

"I told you not to come," she says. "And now we _have_ to get out of here." And Tyler lets himself be tugged away, because, all things considered, she's probably right, and he'd really rather not die tonight.

But before they can make a speedy getaway, there's Caroline, and selfishly, Tyler is so glad to see her even if amends are off the table and the pauses between each of their sentences are palpable.

"How are you?" Caroline asks it like she really cares, and Tyler feels that familiar longing for everything to go back to how it was before. Before what, he doesn't know. So much has happened in the past few months that picking a starting point to go back to would be impossible.

"I'm hanging in there," he says. Then, "Jules and I have to get on the road."

Caroline talks about goodbyes and Tyler thinks, there are so many goodbyes he won't get to say if he leaves now, and he doesn't know if he can do that again, even to save his own life.

And then they're chained up and Tyler guesses he doesn't have a choice about it after all. And Caroline's talking about that same dude with a weird name that Jeremy mentioned, and sacrifice, and god, maybe they've got bigger things to worry about than being afraid of they're feelings. Like the fact that the sun and the moon curse is all a fucking lie.

Though Tyler supposes that feelings are still the goddamn most important thing when you're about to die, though, Caroline reminds him when she starts talking about how he left. And while she's talking, Tyler looks at her and thinks about how he's such a stupid fuck, and what was he afraid of, anyway, and that he'll probably never have a better friend than Caroline Forbes.

"I could never hate you," she says, but Tyler doesn't have time to bask in her forgiveness, because there's Damon, anti-fucking-hero in a leather jacket there to save the day or maybe just to make things worse.

"Don't make me regret this," Damon says, and then once they're outside, "Don't wolf out on us." But Tyler feels strangely at peace. Whatever happens now, it's going to happen, and he wonders if this is another aspect of the werewolf curse: this acceptance of fate.

"Get out of here!" he yells to the others, and then there's the pain he never wanted to feel again.

xXx

Stefan calls him just before midnight. He doesn't even say hello. "Klaus has Elena. Tyler and Caroline too. Damon went to get them, but I doubt that will delay them for long." He sounds too calm, calm in a way that makes Jeremy want to start running again. "You and Bonnie get ready. This is it."

This is it. Jeremy snaps his phone closed and paces and thinks that here's his chance.

Here's what he's been waiting for.

A/N: Only a couple chapters left! Hope y'all enjoyed this one. Several people have suggested that Jeremy gain some sort of power, since he ends up being pretty useless on the show a lot of the time. I agree about the uselessness, but he won't be getting a power in this fic (though I hear he can see dead people now? I'm very excited for Season 3), because I like to think of Jeremy as being the Xander Harris of _The Vampire Diaries_, which means no powers. But never fear, he will have a pivotal role to play in my version of the end of things.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

(Season 2, Episode 21)

Heat. Breaking skin, the sound of it tearing beneath his teeth. Cold, then the cold metal of bars pressing through his fur. Blond hair bouncing. And then the pain.

Nothing but the pain until Tyler looks up into Caroline's face and doesn't know where he is except lost.

xXx

The books are useless. How can Jeremy save anyone if the books are useless? And Bonnie doesn't help, staying calm in the face of the end of the world.

End of the world and everything is wrong. Alaric and Damon come back, dragging John with them, and it's all a big party until Rick tells them about Jenna. That Jenna's a vampire and Elena's going to be one soon unless they do something about it. At this rate, Jeremy is going to be the only human he knows.

Or dead. He could be that too.

And then there goes Stefan, sacrificing himself like always, and it should be Jeremy. He's supposed to be the man of the house, right? It should be him. Not that he'd be much use.

There's a tight, caught feeling in his chest, but underneath it all, Jeremy can't help but be selfishly relieved that at least Tyler's out of the whole sacrificial picture. At least that.

When Bonnie tries to stop him from leaving, Jeremy finally stands up. "I'm coming," he says. "I'm not taking no for an answer." He can hear an authority, some weight of manhood behind his words that has never been there before.

But apparently that doesn't count for anything, and leave it to Bonnie to render him impotent right when he's started to feel some flicker of his own power, his own will. She puts her hand up to his cheek, makes him feel the pull of the floor rising to meet him, so weak and woozy he couldn't possibly stand up.

xXx

He's stronger than Bonnie thought, Jeremy thinks muzzily as he wakes up in the chair, the slats on the back pressing into his spine. He puts his wrist up to his eyes, blinking furiously until the numbers come into focus. 11:29. He's only been out for about fifteen minutes. There's still time.

John starts when Jeremy bolts out of the chair. "Where are you going?" he asks

"Are you stupid?" Jeremy says as he starts for the stairs, then pauses. "Sorry," he says. After all, John _did_ just save Elena's life. Hopefully. "But you know exactly where I'm going."

He goes right past Rick, staring out the open door as though he could stop things just by willing it. "Jeremy!" Rick calls after him, and Jeremy turns back, still moving. "Good luck."

Jeremy nods, but he's sure Rick doesn't see it. But it doesn't matter. For what he's doing, he's not going to need luck. He's going to need a lot more. Divine intervention, maybe, or whatever passes for it these days.

By the time he makes it to the quarry, Jeremy can barely breathe, but he can't make himself stop moving. He pulls himself behind a tree about twenty yards away, hands on his knees, the smell of onions hitting just at the back of his throat from running in the cold.

He can see Klaus in silhouette, moving toward three circles of flame. One is already empty. Elena stands in another. And just as Klaus passes before the third, obscuring Jeremy's vision for a moment, there is a flash of moment and he sees Jenna running.

His heart leaps and he thinks, she's going to get away. But she detours, runs to Stefan, who lies prone on the ground. Klaus is even quicker, moving behind Jenna before Jeremy can really register what's happening.

Jeremy is not fast—not compared to a vampire. But he has the advantage of nobody, not even himself, expecting him to leap out of his hiding place, dash across the yards separating him from his aunt, and leap onto Klaus's back.

It's jarring, like hitting a stone wall. There is a snarl and the sound of a jacket tearing, and then Jenna is gone. Run off into the woods before Jeremy can even follow her with his eyes. He hopes Klaus hasn't been able to see where she went either.

But that's the least of his problems, because Klaus is turning on him now, lip curling, and Jeremy doesn't know when he ended up on his back on the ground, but that's where he is now.

Klaus looms, shadow falling over Jeremy. "I do appreciate a good rescue," he says. "Too bad you won't be around long enough to enjoy your aunt's _temporary _freedom." He is about to pounce (or whatever the really badass version of "pounce" is), Jeremy knows, and he closes his eyes tight.

After a second, the world gets lighter, and Jeremy cracks open an eye. Klaus has moved back and is looking off behind Jeremy. Jeremy scrambles up and away and then he looks too, back to see Bonnie walking forward, fires leaping up, her hands held out and power jumping between them.

When it is all over and they are all back at home—including Jenna, who sits huddled just inside the front door, crying and saying, "I'm sorry" over and over until Elena takes her into her arms as though she is the adult and Jenna is the child—Jeremy thinks about how everybody sacrifices themselves for somebody. John for Elena, Elena for all of them. They'll never be a complete family again, but maybe they can still be a whole one.

xXx

"You're healing," Caroline says when Tyler wakes up naked on her couch.

He pulls the blanket more firmly around himself and thinks that this should probably be a sign that he should stop hiding things. That they've all got to stop hiding things from each other.

"You should've never left," Caroline tells him. "You shouldn't leave again," and Tyler silently promises that he's not going to, even if it's dangerous. Even if it's hard.

Caroline makes jokes about how no friendship is perfect, and Tyler thinks that if all his angst has been over just needing a stronger set of chains, then maybe he really can make this work. Maybe he and Jeremy can work.

"Thank you for taking care of me," he tells Caroline, even though it doesn't make sense, the way she's taken care of him, the way people care. Nothing makes sense in this town—in this world—anymore, but then, maybe nothing's supposed to.

xXx

Watching Elena in the mirror, getting ready for John's funeral, Jeremy sees that she is fragile and strong at the same time. Just like she was after Mom and Dad's funeral. Just like she's always been.

"I'm so sorry," she says. "So sorry that you've lost so many people."

Jeremy will never stop thinking about the people he's lost. But it's time to stop acting like everyone he knows is always about to die. Even when it's true. It's time to start living.

Jenna is sitting on the couch when they come downstairs. Alaric sits with her, head leaned in toward hers, and she is laughing at something he's just whispered. She looks up when she sees them.

"I'm so sorry I can't come with you," she says, sounding oh-so-insincere. "But since I don't think John ordered up a fried ex-girlfriend for his funeral, I guess I'll just have to stay here," and Jeremy thinks that maybe ill-timed jokes are the next step towards acceptance or something.

xXx

Tyler meets Jeremy at the cemetery, sober in his black suit, but, Tyler can't help but notice, also super hot. He thinks for a second that it's probably really disrespectful of the dead to be thinking that, but then figures, hey, John was an asshole anyway, and it's not like Tyler really knew him.

Jeremy looks sad, though, and keeps glancing over at Elena, who is sniffling a bit as she lays a red rose down. Tyler feels out of place here, but then Jeremy shuffles closer to him, so their elbows are touching.

And Tyler slides his hand down Jeremy's sleeve until it catches at Jeremy's hand. He grips hard, and Jeremy grips back, and Tyler is sure that he will not be the one to let go first.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

(Season 2, Episode 22)

Everything still sucks, mostly, but Tyler drags himself to go see _Gone with the Wind_ anyway.

Okay, so maybe they're out of immediate danger, and don't get him wrong, Tyler is very glad that Elena's not dead and all, but it's not like things are exactly peachy around here.

And, okay, maybe "dragging himself" is a bit of an overstatement, given that he's meeting Jeremy there and his heart won't stop doing this stupid fluttery thing.

But still.

"You brought me to see a girl movie," Jeremy complains when they meet at the edge of the sun-soaked park, girls in flouncy dresses and bonnets mingling all around them. God, when Mystic Falls goes anywhere, it goes all out.

"Just because you have no appreciation for culture and history," he tells Jeremy, poking him in the side and taking a moment to be somewhat shocked at himself, "don't come crying to me."

They find a spot and then Caroline, Bonnie, and Elena find them. To Tyler's immense relief, none of the girls say anything about the way his and Jeremy's pinkies are linked as they lean back on their arms on the picnic blanket, though Elena does give him a hard look and then a small smile.

xXx

Caroline is way too cheerful, as usual when she's not in deadly kickass vampire mode, but Tyler laughs at her, and Jeremy loves the line of his throat when he throws his head back, pale in the sun. And it seems like they might get this day—just this one day—to enjoy worry-free.

Of course, later the sun that hit Tyler's throat so beautifully is gone and all the shit has hit the fan once again.

"Find Elena," Alaric says, frantic worry clear on all the too-many lines on his face. "Damon's escaped."

"What does he mean, escaped?" Tyler turns to Jeremy, and Jeremy remembers what it's like not to know.

But before he can break it to Tyler gently, Caroline jumps in. "He got bit by a _werewolf_," she says, giving too much emphasis to the last word, and Jeremy wonders if she has more of a problem than she's letting on. "Don't you remember?"

xXx

And Tyler does remember, has a vague, hazy picture of pain and a mouth full of blood. But then he shakes off the memory of darkness and laughs.

"You're sick if you think that's funny," Caroline snaps, crossing her arms, and even Jer is looking at him in consternation.

Tyler stops laughing, but keeps grinning. "No, it's not that. It's just, I know how to cure it." He shrugs.

It's hilarious, watching their faces. Caroline's mouth drops, and Jeremy grabs his elbow in a grip that would probably hurt if he didn't have super-human strength.

"You what?" Jeremy asks, forgetting to bite back his words for once.

"I can cure a werewolf bite," he says. "Well, _my _werewolf bite, anyway." He lowers his voice. "Little known fact, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't spread it around the vampire community," he darts his eyes to Caroline, "but the blood of a werewolf can cure that werewolf's bite. In anyone."

"What?" Caroline's voice is so sharp, you know she wants to cut _somebody_.

"I know," Tyler says, feeling rather smug at the shocked look on her face. "It's always about blood, isn't it?"

"That's not what I meant," Caroline says, and Jeremy tightens his grip on Tyler's arm.

Tyler puts a hand on his back, looking at Jeremy as he says, "Jules told me about it. She taught me a lot. She wasn't as bad as everyone seems to think."

Alaric's tone is sober, and no less urgent than it was before. "Why have we never heard about this before?"

"Yeah," Jer says, "Why isn't it in any books?"

Tyler can feel an entirely different kind of smile, a fond one, tugging. "You and your books," he says. "Werewolf secret," he continues, tapping his head with the hand that isn't sliding into Jeremy's back pocket and hoping no one's noticed. "Wouldn't want any vampires finding out, now, would we?"

Caroline scoffs. "Little late for that." And when Tyler glares at her, she tips her head to the side and mock-punches him. "But I won't tell. Of course I won't tell."

"So you'll save Damon?" Alaric asks, already whipping out his phone.

Tyler shrugs. "Yeah, I mean, the guy's an ass, but who isn't?"

xXx

There's an excitement in the air now, instead of a doom. Jeremy and Tyler run into Damon in front of the grill, and for a minute it seems like everything's going to be resolved before Rhett whisks Scarlett off to the bedroom.

But there are always events being set in motion, people taking action without consulting anybody else first. And Jeremy thinks, not for the first time, that maybe they wouldn't have nearly so many problems if everybody would just talk to each other once in a while.

That's not likely to happen anytime soon, though. And now Sheriff Forbes has her gun pointed, and Damon might be out of his mind but he's still faster than Jeremy can ever hope to be.

Then he hears a shot.

And then there's nothing.

xXx

"Tell me why I should." Tyler's arms are crossed tight into his sides and he has to clench his jaw to stop his lip from trembling. "Give me one reason why I should help you when you've gotten Jeremy killed!"

Damon looks bad, Tyler has to admit, pale and drooping, almost like he's melting over the edge of the table where he's draped himself.

Then Bonnie's running up. "I can save him," she says, gasping but eyes calm. She knows she can do this, and Tyler doesn't know Bonnie very well but he knows her well enough to know this. He can trust her when her eyes look like that.

"I'm going with you," he says.

Elena clutches at his arm, worry clear in her face and probably tearing her apart. It's her brother, Tyler remembers. And it's Damon. "But you'll save him," she says, and Tyler knows she hates herself for asking.

"I'll see Jeremy alive first," he says, and follows Bonnie out the door.

Tyler doesn't think he breathes the whole way to the abandoned house, the whole time Bonnie's saying words he doesn't understand and calling up witches. Then the candles whoosh and the darkness seems to get darker and Bonnie's yelling.

"They say there'll be consequences!" she shouts, looking at him with her mouth perched open, and she's as lost as Tyler is. As lost as they all are.

"Damn the goddamn consequences!" he says, and somehow this seems to give Bonnie the strength she needs, because she closes her eyes and her face goes focused, and then there's light and air and Jeremy. Jeremy breathing again, sitting up eyes wild but smiling. Smiling at Tyler and maybe everything doesn't always have to turn out terrible after all.

xXx

Back at the Salvatore house, Tyler drips careful blood into Damon's mouth from his punctured wrist, and Damon's tongue whips out and Jeremy's sister looks happy and sad and embarrassed for a reason that he can't fathom.

"You did this?" Damon says when everything's been explained to him, and Tyler nods, his face guarded. "Thanks," Damon says, looking surprised. "I owe you one." And then his eyes shutter and his mouth twists in that smirk Jeremy has seen too often. "Not too big of one, though, since it was your fault to begin with."

Then Damon sits up and turns to Elena. "You'd better call my idiot brother before he does that stupid, noble, saving-us-all-at-his-own-expense thing again," he says, and Elena jumps and reaches for her phone, it turns out just in time.

Later, Tyler drops him off at home and Jeremy lingers in the front seat before figuring there's no reason not to ask the question now, nothing left to wait for. "You wanna come up and hang out for a while?" he asks, and lets out half a breath when Tyler immediately smiles at him and twists the key in the engine.

Jeremy is careful to shut and lock the door of his room before toeing off his shoes and leaning against the edge of his desk. "So," he says, and finds that he has no idea where to go from here, but every idea of where he wants to go.

"You know," Tyler says, corners of his mouth turning up in a way that is distinctly diabolical and running his finger along the desk top, not stopping until it runs into the leg of Jeremy's jeans, "I learned a few more things about werewolves while I was in Florida besides how to cure bites, you know."

"Yeah?" Jeremy asks, "Like what?"

"Like, about…how to make the curse more bearable," Tyler says, his voice now dark and rumbling, though maybe that's only to hide what Jeremy strongly suspects is a tremor of nervousness.

"Yeah?" Jeremy says again, pushing off the desk and right into Tyler, who doesn't move back, just reaches out his hand to hook a finger in Jeremy's belt loop.

"Yeah," Tyler says, smile broadening. "Turns out, if you exercise a whole bunch or, oh, I don't know, have really rough sex right before the full moon, you don't have as much energy for the shift. And it…hurts less." Jeremy can hear Tyler breathing, deep and slowly and trembling with the possibility, filling the space between them. "Or so I've heard," he continues in a rough whisper, and then his other hand is on Jeremy's hip, pressing them together.

And in this moment, Jeremy can't fault Damon for jumping out of the way of the gun or Tyler for biting Damon or Stefan for almost aligning himself with Klaus. It's becoming clear to him that with the lives they're living, everyone's bound to do something horrible and life-altering and possibly evil at least once.

In this town, you have to be able to forgive, or you can't live at all.

And looking at Tyler, whose finger is still hooked through his belt loop and whose eyes are half lidded now as he eases himself down on the bed, Jeremy knows he's got an awful lot of living to do.

* * *

A/N: So that's that. Thanks so much to everybody who's continued to read this angsty, indulgent, written-as-I-watched-and-extremely-unedited little story. Hope you enjoyed, and be sure to tell me what you thought of it!


End file.
